Coping Skills for Separation Anxiety in Children and Parents

The backpack is ready. Shoes are on. And then the tight grip happens, the tears, and the sudden stomachache that wasn’t there five minutes ago.

That’s a familiar scenario for many parents whose kid has started school or kindergarten, or is leaving home for the first time. 

The separation anxiety is very common among kids and teens (and even their parents!). But with the right coping skills for separation anxiety that you’re going to find in this article, both you and your kid will learn to approach goodbyes with more calm.

Key Learnings 

• Concrete promises and structured separations help children overcome separation anxiety.
• Social-emotional learning games help children develop coping skills for separation anxiety.
• Writing triggers, reframing negative thoughts, and connecting with support networks add to the development of coping skills for separation anxiety in adults.
• Evidence-based approaches like CBT, PCIT, and play therapy can significantly reduce childhood separation anxiety. 

Tips to Help Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety

Use these tips to help your kid learn how to regulate their anxiety.

1. Acknowledge Your Kid’s Fear

These responses teach your child that emotions are safe, manageable, and temporary.

Helpful responses might sound like:

• “We can sit with this feeling for a moment.”
• “Something about this goodbye feels hard, and you’re handling it.”
• “You really don’t want me to leave, and that makes sense.”
• “You’re feeling scared, and that’s okay.”

2. Be Clear About When You'll Return

Be specific about when you’ll return, so your child learns that you always come back and that separation is predictable and temporary.

Kids don’t understand abstract time. Saying “I’ll be back later” or using vague phrases like "later" or "soon" only fuels a child's worry.

So, try to be as specific as you can:

• “After your nap.”
• “When the big hand is on 12.”
• “After you finish art time.”

Each time you return as promised, your child’s brain learns to trust you.

3. Create “Happy” Goodbyes 

Lingering goodbyes feel loving, but they can unintentionally signal that something is wrong. Research on attachment and emotional regulation suggests that short, confident departures actually help children settle more quickly. 

This doesn’t mean you ignore your kid’s feelings and just leave. Instead, you recognize their big emotions, co-regulate them with your kid, and then leave calmly.

A few special “happy” rituals for goodbyes that create predictability for your child might include:

• A special hug with a phrase you always use
• A secret handshake
• A goodbye song or rhyme
• Drawing a small heart on each other’s hands.

4. Use Gradual Exposure to Help Your Kid Build Confidence 

Gradual exposure helps the nervous system learn that anxiety can rise, peak, and fall without something bad happening. Over time, this builds emotional resilience and confidence around separation.

Healthy exposure is predictable, time-limited, and paired with reassurance. Unhealthy exposure, in contrast, is sudden, prolonged, or dismissive of a child's fear.

You might start with short separations, such as stepping into another room for a few minutes or letting your child play with a caregiver or other family members while you’re nearby, and slowly increase duration as your child’s confidence grows.

5. Use social-emotional learning games to practice coping

Social-emotional learning (SEL) games help children recognize feelings, practice coping strategies, and build emotional resilience.

Here are some fun ways to get started.

• Role-Play Goodbyes

  Practice short separations with toys or pretend scenarios. This helps your child predict what will happen, experience manageable anxiety, and feel prepared for real-life goodbyes.

• Emotion Faces Mirror Game

  One person makes an “emotion” face, the other mirrors it, a simple way to build emotional literacy and empathy.

• Let Sesame Characters Help

  “Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame” — try this free app with Sesame characters that teach kids how to recognize emotions, build self-awareness, and regulate them. 

What to Do if You’re the One with Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety rarely affects only the child. Parents often experience their own version, which is sometimes linked to their own past trauma, family history, or an anxious attachment style.

1. Write Down Your Triggers

Awareness lowers intensity.

Common triggers for parents include:

• Morning time pressure
• Public meltdowns
• School drop-offs or pick-ups
• Fear of judgment from others
• Memories of your own childhood anxiety.

Noticing what sets you off helps prevent automatic reactions that can unintentionally reinforce your child’s anxiety.

2. Look at the Situation from a Different Angle 

This is based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and is called “thought reframing.”

CBT teaches that thoughts influence emotions and behaviors. That's why when you notice anxious thoughts and reframe them, you reduce emotional intensity and create space for calmer responses.

For instance, when a thought like “They won’t cope without me” appears, replace it with something more neutral and realistic: “This is uncomfortable, but discomfort is how healthy coping strategies develop.”

3. Prioritize Psychoeducation and Social Support

Parents who understand anxiety respond to their kids’ distress with more support and confidence because they know how to prevent overreaction or unintentional reinforcement of fear. 

Trusted resources include:

• The American Academy of Pediatrics
• The Anxiety & Depression Association of America
• Child Mind Institute.

Local workshops, parenting classes, or a support group where you can meet other parents dealing with the same issue can also provide emotional support and reduce isolation.

Therapy for Kids and Parents as Extra Support

Sometimes, despite consistent routines and strong parenting tools, separation anxiety continues. In this case, therapy for kids might help.

Play-Based and Narrative Therapies

Long before kids can explain excessive worry or irrational fear, they can act it out with toys, drawings, or stories.

A study of very young children tested play therapy, storytelling therapy, and a combination of both. Results showed that:

• Play-based therapies significantly reduced separation anxiety
• All approaches improved social skills and emotional behavior
• Combined methods were especially helpful for emotional regulation

Parent–Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)

This approach strengthens the parent–child relationship and teaches concrete coping behaviors.

In one study, modified PCIT for children ages 4–8 added a phase focused on bravery and separation exposure. After treatment, 73% of children no longer met the criteria for separation anxiety disorder. 

CBT for Children (and Parents)

CBT remains the gold standard for childhood anxiety disorders, including separation anxiety and panic disorder, though some children may also need additional interventions.

CBT teaches children to:

• Identify anxious thoughts
• Challenge fears in a structured, gradual way
• Practice coping strategies to manage anxiety

Across multiple studies, 50–80% of treated children no longer met diagnostic criteria after CBT. 

Types of Therapies for Managing Separation Anxiety in Kids

Final Thoughts: Trust, Time, and Compassion

Separation anxiety is a typical part of childhood, and many children outgrow it with support. With the right evidence-based coping skills for kids with separation anxiety (structured goodbyes, gradual exposure, and play, narrative, and CBT approaches), families can approach goodbyes with less fear.

Keep growing alongside your child. Continue your self-discovery journey by trying the Liven app (Google Play or App Store), exploring more insights on the Liven blog, and learning about your current mental health state with Liven’s free wellness tests. 

Get your personalized plan for a calmer mind! Take a quick quiz

References

1. Commons, M. L., & Miller, P. M. (2010). The benefits of attachment parenting for infants and children. Behavioral Development, 10(1).
2. Feriante et al. (2023). Separation anxiety disorder. StatPearls, National Library of Medicine.
3. Jreisat, S. (2023). Separation anxiety among kindergarten children and parental socialization. Health Psychology Research, 11.
4. Preś, J., Świątkowska, K., & Kołakowski, A. (2024). Cognitive behavioral therapy for separation anxiety disorder in children. Psychiatria Polska, 58(5).
5. Zarra-Nezhad, M., Pakdaman, F., & Moazami-Goodarzi, A. (2023). Play therapy and narrative therapy for preschoolers’ separation anxiety. Early Child Development and Care, 193(6).