Self-defeat. Avoidance. Hinder to success. Those are all words you’d find in the articles across the web that talk about self sabotage. It’s hard to argue… You set goals and religiously follow the plan, but then something happens and you derail from your commitment. And that, my dear, is self sabotage at work.

Self-sabotaging behaviors like procrastination, perfectionism, or negative self-talk leave you stuck, frustrated, or confused by your own actions. The good news, however, is that you can learn the signs of self sabotage in your own life and how to deal with them to overcome self sabotage fully with time.

What is self sabotage in psychology?

Self sabotage is an action or inaction that helps you escape difficult emotions but ultimately hinders your ability to reach goals, stay confident, learn & develop new skills, build relationships, and make healthy decisions.

Basically, self sabotage starts is a defense mechanism (because that’s, ironically, what your brain thinks self sabotaging actions are).

And here are the reasons that stay at the core of self sabotage and impact your behavior:

Negative core beliefs and past traumas. Self-defeating behaviors stem from unconscious beliefs about our self worth and the world around you. Sure, the rational part of your brain might tell you that you deserve to be loved or healthy, but the unconscious one will keep low self esteem and negative self talk alive because of your core beliefs and traumas where self sabotage used to be a survival mechanism and is still a part of your daily behavior.
The cunning reward system. We all love that dopamine boost (especially the one which comes in a form of immediate gratification). That’s why eating junk food or buying new clothes make us so happy. But when you don’t regulate your desires, your brain gets used to the constant immediate gratification actions, learns them as negative patterns and further turns them into automatic responses. Yes, with time, it gets more and more difficult to resist that bar of chocolate… 😏
Fear of the unknown. This is an especially common thing among highly anxious people. There is a huge comfort in familiarity, and that’s why it’s so difficult for your brain to make new habits or accept change. Because of the Unfamiliar, your brain will even fear the good things that come with change. Ever heard of the fear of success? That’s pretty counterintuitive, but behind that particular fear might be another thing — the fear of increased responsibility, being judged, or even unworthy of success.

All in a all, self sabotaging behaviors bring you temporary relief from negative emotions and uncomfortable feelings.

To break free, first meet your own worst enemy: check out the culprits from our list.

Behavior #1: Procrastination or protection? The hidden self sabotage behind ‘just not ready’

We’ve all been at least once in our lives guilty of bingewatching the favorite series instead of preparing for exams or doing household chores. Because all those are boring and, at the moment, unrewarding tasks.

And that’s the thing with procrastination. One of the most common self sabotaging behaviors, procrastination is a defensive behavior that keeps those negative feelings at bay (anxiety, fear of failure, boredom, overwhelm, self-doubt, etc.). Biologically, we’re all wired to avoid discomfort that our brain associates with discomfort with danger. However, it doesn’t distinguish between taking risks that come with good consequences (like preparing for an exam and getting your diploma) and really dangerous outcomes (like picking fights in the street).

In the end, procrastination sabotages your personal growth, and is the consequence of the deeper ways of thinking thatwe use.

Here are a few things to do on your mental health journey if you spot signs of self sabotage, particularly procrastination:

Forget unrealistic expectations. Instead, make your task manageable. For instance, you might not want to clean the entire house because you know how much time and effort the task will take. But do you really need to clean the entire house in a day? What if you clean the bedrooms today and the bathroom tomorrow? One of the best science backed strategies says that it’s easier for our brain to perform smaller tasks that are easy to manage.
Try Pomodoro Technique.People usually hate cleaning the house from dawn till dusk. The brain reacts according to its work, it's a usual thing. But what if you decide to clean the house for 2 hours with a few 10-minute breaks? When you persuade your brain that all you have to do is clean the house for 50 minutes, it’s easier to start doing the task compared to thinking you have to toil non-stop.
Build momentum and routine. A human brain thrives on predictability. ⏰ You can try time-blocking and train your brain to work on certain tasks during certain hours. For instance, try blocking 40 minutes for doing your college report every day at the same time to teach your brain that the task has a clear beginning & ending and is manageable.

😼 Bonus tip: Practice self awareness. Journal your procrastination for a few weeks to spot patterns and situations that trigger it.

Behavior #2: How perfectionism is self sabotage in disguise

Perfectionism is can be considered a self sabotaging behavior. Why? First, there is an internal belief that you’re not good enough and you have to work on becoming a better version of yourself. But your inner perfectionist is always hungry for becoming more and more perfect, which is, obviously, impossible and leads to burnout, stress and anxiety, and other mental health issues.

The innate drive to meet unrealistic standards starts in childhood where a child is conditioned to meet parental expectations in order to survive. If you’ve grown with parents or caregivers who set unrealistically high expectations and were overly critical, you might be struggling with low self esteem and multiple insecurities. Your inner voice is probably telling you, ‘You’re not smart/muscular/beautiful/etc. enough.” So, how to stop self sabotaging?

🙌💡 The most obvious answer is to look for a mental health professional aka a therapist that can help you reframe your thoughts and behavior (the best option is cognitive behavioral therapy that helps you do exactly that). Why? Because in most cases, beyond perfectionism lie past traumas, negative beliefs, and other things that might require the attention of a specialist.

A few DIY methods to try are:

Develop self compassion and forgiveness. NOONE is perfect. Perfectionism is not noble. It’s exhausting and devastating. Please don’t fall victim to what social media tells you. You ARE enough. 🌿💛
Use positive affirmations. Replace harsh internal dialogue with phrases like “I am enough” or “Progress matters more than perfection.” Repeat them daily to rewire your mindset.
Timely recognize and manage stress with grounding techniques and mindfulness to keep fear at bay. Learn how to practice mindfulness aka deep breathing and meditation.
Prioritize well being over achievement. Schedule daily well being rituals (short walk, 10 minutes of journaling, or screen-free meals) and treat them like appointments. Your inner perfectionist wouldn’t want to miss an appointment, right? 😏
Set realistic goals. An impossibly high bar fuels your fear of failure. Instead, break big goals into smaller, doable steps. Instead of “I should finish this task today,” try “I’ll start with the first section and review it tomorrow.”

😼 Bonus tip: Journal every day 5 things you like about yourself and explain why. This will help you reduce self doubt and challenge negative thoughts related to your self confidence.

Behavior #3: People‑pleasing or why we trade approval for authenticity

Never learnt to say ‘no’? Always try to behave in a way that others want you to? Well, meet another type of self sabotage on our list: people-pleasing.

Children who grew up in families where love was conditional and mistakes were met with anger, criticism, or withdrawal of affection grow up to be people pleasers who put the needs of others first often sacrificing their physical & emotional health and boundaries in the process. Why? Because as a child, you can’t survive without adults — we mean your parents or caregivers. That’s why compliance has been your survival strategy for so many years.

As you see, people-pleasing is among the most self-destructive self sabotaging behaviors … 😩

Here is what you can do to stop sabotaging:

Seek support. People-pleasing often stems from a adapting patterns. In many cases, healing trauma is key to regaining self confidence. A specialist will help you reframe those self sabotaging thoughts and habits, build confidence, and reclaim self worth.
Learn to sit with uncomfortable emotions. Saying "no" can trigger guilt, anxiety, or fear of rejection. Let yourself feel them. Don’t react, simply observe as though you’re meditating. And, sure, you can add some breathwork to calm down your nervous system.
Watch for the signs of self sabotage. Do you constantly apologize, avoid conflict, or change your opinions to please others? Awareness is the first step to change. Again, journaling can help. You can write down triggers & patterns and understand where your self sabotaging thoughts and behaviors are the worst.
Challenge self doubt. You might wrongly believe that people love you only when you agree with them. Remind yourself regularly: “I deserve happiness, even if others are uncomfortable with my boundaries.” You can even turn it into an affirmation and pin it to the wall.

😼 Bonus tip: Journal about resentment. Helped a friend and suddenly feel resentful towards them? That’s a clue you’re abandoning your own needs.

🌸 Add-on tip that really works — the “Pause Rule”! Before you say “yes” to a request, pause and say to the person, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you later.” This gives you space to reflect instead of automatically reacting.

Behavior #4: Negative self talk or how to silence the inner bully

This habit is one of the worst self defeating behaviors you can ever think of. Yes, a habit — you’ve read it right. Contrary to what you think, negative self talk is not a personality trait or character flaw, but a part of deeper thinking patterns; which means that you can try to change it.

Why do we self sabotage with negative self talk? How is this habit formed? Well, the answer is pretty simple: your harshest inner critic is a result of early childhood experiences. Perhaps, you grew up in an environment where love, praise, or safety were inconsistent or tied to performance. With time, you might have internalized external criticism and learned to preemptively attack yourself before anyone else could.

Sounds counterproductive, right? Well, the thing is that your brain (very ironically) perceives those self sabotage thoughts as a defense technique. Your mind believes it's protecting you from fear of judgment, rejection, or failure; because if you attack yourself first, it won’t hurt that much if others attack you later, right? 😔

Here is how to overcome self sabotage and get rid of those old mental loops.

Again, beyond most self sabotaging behaviors is trauma. A therapist will help you address it and will teach you how to cope with those difficult emotions and stay present in reality. The latter is important because so many people fall into the trap of their imagination where they start catastrophizing instead of focusing on whether or not their fear aligns with the reality around. For this purpose, you can even use grounding techniques like the 5‑4‑3‑2‑1 method (5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste).
Name it or tame it. Label your inner critic when it shows up. Give it a name or identity (“There’s the Bully again!”). This creates distance and makes it easier to challenge. Further, journal those self critical thoughts and then rewrite them with compassion and truth.
Replace negative scripts with empowering truths. Think of negative self talk as a self‑fulfilling prophecy in action: what you think you are is what you become. You might attack yourself with thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess things up,” or “No one really cares about me.” Put that thought on paper and ask yourself the next 3 questions: “Is this thought true?”, “Is it helpful?," "What would I say to someone I love who thought this?” Next, create a short, empowering statement that directly counters the original thought. For instance, instead of “I’m a failure,” say “Like everyone else, I’m learning and growing.” 🌱📝

😼 Bonus tip: Designate a “Critic-free zone.” Pick a place (bed, shower, table, etc.) where you don’t allow negative self-talk. If it shows up, gently say, “Not here,” and shift focus.

Quick self‑check worksheet to recognize and stop self sabotaging

Still wondering whether self sabotaging behaviors show up in your life? Here is a quick self-audit checklist to help identify and overcome self sabotage in the long run. Because, honestly, we all deserve happiness in our careers and romantic relationships, self compassion, and personal growth that comes with no toxic signs of self sabotage.

Start with the core question to highlight common patterns where your brain gets overprotective with self sabotage.

🍀 It sounds like this: Where do I tend to shut down or avoid taking risks? Think of where your inaction lies. Sometimes, inaction does more harm than good. For instance, when you refuse to set boundaries with others, you’ll end up feeling resentful and drained. Unfortunately, self sabotage leads here to others taking advantage of your time and resources. 🤷🏽

Other questions that you can add your self sabotage checklist are as follows:

#1: Do I let self criticism take control over my feelings, thoughts, and decisions?
#2: What uncomfortable emotions am I avoiding? People engage in self sabotage not because they’re lazy, but because they’re overwhelmed or scared.
#3: When do I feel like I’m in my own way? The biggest obstacles are usually internal, not external.
#4: What negative thought patterns tend to show up when I’m stressed? Catch the stories you tell yourself: “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess this up,” “I’m not making progress,” etc.
#5: What does my inner dialogue sound like when I try something new? Is it encouraging or undermining your efforts?
#6: Are there any self sabotaging patterns I’ve normalized as “this is just how I am”? Maybe it’s always procrastinating, emotionally shutting down, or overcommitting. Unfortunately, those all are unhelpful patterns.
#7: What negative behavior do I use to cope with stress or discomfort?

We hope these simple questions will help you identify when self sabotage occurs so you can work on the triggers and stop self sabotaging fully over time.

Final thoughts

When you’re dealing with self sabotaging behaviors, you’re actually fighting outdated coping strategies that once helped you feel safe but now hold you back. Once you learn your triggers, reframe your inner dialogue, and practice self-compassion, you can stop self sabotaging.

Instead of picking fights with yourself, try understanding what drives your patterns. Notice where self sabotaging patterns show up, pause, and think of a new response (a therapist can teach you all those things 😉💬).

Please remember, you deserve progress without self-punishment. 🤗

You’ve got it! ☀️

References

Funkhouser, E., & Hallam, K. (2022). Self-handicapping and self-deception: A two-way street. Philosophical Psychology, 37(2), 299–324.https://doi.org/10.1080/09515089.2022.2055915

Peel, R., & Caltabiano, N. (2021). The relationship sabotage scale: An evaluation of factor analyses and constructive validity. BMC Psychology, 9

Prosper. (2025). Handling self-sabotage. University of Liverpool.https://prosper.liverpool.ac.uk/postdoc-resources/reflect/handling-self-sabotage/

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