Navigating Loneliness During Holidays With Compassion

It seems strange that in the space between laughter and joyful celebrations, there’s a part of us that feels utterly lonely. What triggers these feelings of loneliness when we hear “Deck the halls with boughs of holly, ‘Tis the season to be jolly” or “Let us rejoice indeed, this is the day of Eid,” despite all the positive associations we have with family, love, and community?

While the holiday season can be a source of joy in many cultures, many people notice changes in their mood or stress levels as the symbolic dates of the holiday season approach.

Many expert-informed articles (though not always strictly controlled studies) note that the holiday season, with its emphasis on family, connection, and social expectations, can intensify feelings of loneliness, especially for those without strong social support, those separated from loved ones, or those grieving losses.

You’re not stuck in this feeling, and you don’t need to pull away from others. There are gentle strategies that can help you reconnect and rediscover what feels meaningful during this season, even in small ways.

Key Learnings

• Feelings of loneliness during the holiday season are common across cultures, ages, and traditions.
• Understanding the trigger of loneliness helps you choose a manageable coping skill that works for you.
• Small, intentional actions, such as making a brief call/sending a message, greeting a neighbor, or attending a group activity, can help gradually increase social contact and support your emotional well-being.
• Even if you’re alone on a holiday, you can create new meanings and feel connected.

Effective Strategies to Deal With Holiday Season Loneliness

Here are a few ideas to reach out to the loved ones, counter negative emotions, and try out new things.

What Am I Feeling?

People experience loneliness for many reasons. Certain holidays can spotlight the absence of a partner, the loss of someone important, or a sense of being far from the people we love. At times, loneliness is more existential, arising when meaningful days make us aware of life’s transitions and the passage of time.

Take a moment to sit with your thoughts and feelings and ask: What do I need and what am I feeling? Truly check-in with yourself:

• “I feel sad because there is no one close to me.”
• “I want to feel included with my friends.”
• “I need purpose right now, like taking care of someone.”

Treat this as your guidance for further exploration. Acknowledging your feelings and being honest with yourself are effective strategies for overcoming overthinking and taking action.

Build a Connection Routine

Typically, we experience loneliness as the holiday season approaches. It can get busy while we’re preparing for celebrations, but we can establish several easy ways to connect with others, even when we have a few minutes to spare. 

• Try a short “Good morning” chat with a friend when you wake up
• Arrange a call instead of texting, even if for just 5 minutes
• Greet your neighbor or a barista making your coffee.

These small acts of connection can have a profound impact on your mental health.

Combat Loneliness With Social Activities

Typically, other people also experience loneliness during the holidays. Whether the connection lasts a moment or becomes something more meaningful, choosing even a brief social interaction can be a helpful way to move beyond prolonged sadness and build support.

• Explore what’s going on in your neighborhood. Community centers, libraries, clubs, and local interest groups often organize events near the holidays, such as game nights, workshops, or group movie viewings.
• Use technology. Our phones aren’t just for watching funny reels. Here are a few cool apps you can try to find people online for social activities offline (and no, we don’t mean Tinder!):
  • Timeleft. Meet a group of randomly chosen people offline based on an experience you choose.
  • Meetup. Discover events and groups near you and find people who share your interests.
  • Bumble BFF. Building on the experience from Bumble, this new project brings friendships in much the same fashion.
  • Yubo. Find new friends, meet in person, and skip small talk if you'd like.
  • Amigos. Find an activity that you like and tap to join it. Then, just show up and develop new connections.

• Meet online. If previous options don’t fit for any reason, you can always decrease isolation by meeting others online. But please be mindful of internet safety when using any app or sharing personal info.

  Here are just a few options:

  • Dungeons not Dating. If you have ever played or want to learn how to play DnD, this app lets you find people who share this interest.
  • Slowly. Slowly allows you to connect with people from across the world and rediscover the joy of messaging by slowing down our communication. The greater the distance between you and your pen pal, the longer the message will travel.
  • Bottled. Send what you want to share with the world in a bottle and wait for a random person to read and answer it.
  • LMK. Not a texter? Here, you can send voice messages in group or personal chats and join rooms. It brings us for genuine conversation and a human voice.

Allow Space for Grieving

Sometimes we miss loved ones who are no longer present. If that resonates with you, consider creating a personal ritual to honor them. The holidays don’t require pretending everything is perfect; they are meaningful because we share them with those we care about. Acknowledging a loss, whether due to death, a breakup, or drifting apart, through a simple ritual can help you process your feelings and hold space for both grief and connection. 

Example rituals:

1. Light a candle or place a small object in memory of the person you miss.
2. Write a short note or letter expressing your thoughts, memories, or feelings. You don’t need to send it; acknowledge that your emotions matter.
3. Play a meaningful song or watch a favorite movie you shared or associate with them.
4. Set aside a few quiet minutes to reflect on the ways that person shaped your life or brought you joy.

Give Back to the Community

Holidays are one of those rare moments when we can allow ourselves to be a part of many lives at once. There’s much we can do with our time and resources to lift others up. 

• Look in your local churches and religious communities for opportunities. Local churches and spiritual centers organize many initiatives that support the historically underserved population. Inquire through social media or their website to see how you can help others with your time this season.
• Check out charity organizations. Many nationwide and local groups ask for donations or help with various tasks as we approach holidays. It can be as simple as helping with food or giving out gifts to the underserved groups. Older adults without families are at an increased risk of isolation, which exacerbates their mental health conditions; you can join initiatives to visit senior homes.
• Visit animal shelters. Animals tend to be forgotten during the holiday season, since most people spend time with people they know and don’t have much time for them. You can volunteer for a variety of tasks, from cleaning to walking a few dogs.

Reflect on Meaningful Memories

If you have lost contact with someone and would like to reconnect, it’s a good time to do so. While it’s not an invitation to resume a romantic relationship that didn’t work out or return to the same unproductive patterns as before, there are many people with whom we can rebuild something new, with new perspectives.

Think about people you might have accidentally left on “read” and never dared to reach out again, those with whom you’ve been meaning to catch up, or an older adult who lives too far away for them to travel due to their age or health reasons. Sometimes, it’s the chance we all need to be with those who also miss out on compassion and company.

If You’re Feeling Lonely on the Day of: Make the Most of It

If you’re reading this and it’s the day of the holiday itself, you might be limited in options. What do you do now?

It’s easy to fall into self-criticism and think there’s something wrong with us, but that’s one form of self-sabotage. The good news is that if you spend a holiday on your own, you get to be the main character of the day. You can use behavioral activation by planning activities that bring you joy, such as your favorite meal, music, or hobbies.

Practice mindfulness to notice your thoughts and feelings without judgment, and choose how you want to spend your time. Being solo this holiday can be an opportunity to create meaningful experiences on your own terms! 

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Take a moment to do a self-check-in. Start by noticing your emotions without judgment. Then ask yourself: "What do I need right now? Which feeling deserves my attention, and how can I respond to it in a healthy way?”

Set a Theme

Even a one-person party is still a party — and it can be a great one. Do you want a cozy day with blankets, snacks, tea, and long walks? Or a spa-like self-care retreat? Or a movie marathon with your favorite trilogy or genre? 

Schedule One Small Social Connection

Even if you’re physically alone, a brief social interaction can help you reconnect with yourself. Being alone can sometimes pull us inward, but a small act of contact reminds us that we’re not entirely isolated from others. Here are a few low-pressure ways to create these mini social moments:

• Smile or greet a neighbor or passerby while walking outside.
• Chat briefly with someone at a local shop.
• Send a quick message, make a call, or schedule a video chat with a friend, family member, or mentor.
• Join an online interest group, discussion forum, or livestream where you can participate at your own pace.

Build a Self-Care Ritual

Sometimes, feelings of holiday loneliness can arise unexpectedly, even during a seemingly positive day. That’s why it can be helpful to have at least one calming ritual or coping strategy on hand to address these feelings in the moment.

• Wrap yourself in something warm.
• Put on a grounding song.
• Breathe slowly for a minute.
• Sip something nice — taste depends on the season.

Create Your Own New Traditions

When you’re celebrating alone, you can create your own traditions and rituals. It reaffirms your autonomy and reminds you that you’re in power to do anything you want on your day. Do you have a movie that everyone usually dislikes but you really want to watch this season? Now you can. 

Here are some ideas that can get you started:

1. Write down 3–5 things you’re grateful for today. Reflect for a few minutes on why they matter.
2. Mini movement. Stretch, do yoga, or take a short walk outside to reconnect with your body and environment.
3. Comfort music. Play a favorite song or playlist and focus on the feelings and memories it evokes.
4. Solo celebration. Pick one small thing that feels festive or meaningful and savor it intentionally.

It provides a sense of meaning and structure, helping you notice what’s within your control. No matter where you are or who you spend time with, you can intentionally anchor your day around a core routine or ritual, using it to guide your actions and regulate your emotions.

Give Yourself a Present 

Who says gifts are only for others? Today is a perfect opportunity to treat yourself. You could order a surprise in a subscription box, visit a store and let someone help you choose something unexpected, or finally get that item you’ve been saving for yourself. Giving yourself a small gift can be a simple act of self-care and a way to recognize your own needs. 

What Triggers Holiday Loneliness?

Despite our love for holidays, they are among the most stressful times of the year. Many people report facing similar challenges — here are the main reasons why.

Changes in Life Can Affect Emotional Well-Being

During life transitions, it’s common to feel stress as we reflect on our achievements, disappointments, and future goals. In these moments, we may find ourselves tracking our progress and judging how well we’re doing, which can intensify feelings of pressure or self-criticism. 

That’s why such seemingly innocent things as writing our New Year’s Resolutions can affect our mental health. According to a Forbes survey, 62% of respondents reported feeling pressured to set resolutions for the upcoming year. And so, holidays are also times when we can accidentally burden ourselves with shoulds and musts. 

Additionally, our relationships can sometimes become strained or more challenging during life transitions. Research has found that December and January are the two months when people divorce and break up with their partners more than at any other time of the year. 

We Think About The Loved Ones We Lost

Holidays are associated with family, friendship, and love. That’s when memories about losing someone we love can be harrowing and impact our psychological and emotional health. This feeling can find us whether we’re with a large group of people or alone. Here’s how writer Katherine May describes the grief we feel during holidays:

“Grief is close to the surface at midwinter, always ready to spill over into something raw. This great festival of togetherness is also a marking of absences, the tables set with fewer places from one year to the next, and gifts ungiven. This is the way that ghosts are born. Each year, we channel them by telling, making them part of our winter myths, our very own gospels. In my dwindling family, the ghosts are beginning to outnumber us.” 

A Fast-Paced Schedule Can Lead to Overload

Celebrations often come with additional financial and time constraints. We suddenly realize that those 24 hours feel like 12. We cannot cope with economic pressures. The American Psychological Association reports that 89% of respondents reported feeling stressed about finances during the festive season. 

Social Pressures Can Increase Stress

As much as it is nice to absorb the joy of the brightest days of the season, this positivity can overwhelm those of us who don’t quite match the vibe. A psychologist Alfiee Breland-Noble writes that this expectation builds up pressure: “Everything around you, societally, is pushing you to be happy and to focus on happiness.”

The gap between our feelings and expectations leads to isolation, as if others don’t understand us.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) Intensifies the Feelings

Some people are prone to SAD, a type of depression that often occurs during certain times of the year, mainly during the fall and winter, due to reduced daylight hours. Low light disrupts your circadian rhythm, reduces serotonin, and alters melatonin cycles. And so, our baseline mood can lower itself.

It’s Your Day, Too

Some days, you may feel deeply lonely, and other days surprisingly okay, and that’s completely normal. If you’re struggling today, it doesn’t mean you’ve had a setback; it’s an opportunity to notice and respond to your needs. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a close friend, and try one small, gentle action to care for yourself. Every good moment counts.

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References

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