How to Maintain Friendships as an Adult: Effective Tips for Connection

It might seem that, because we’ve learned the art of making friends as kids, we won’t struggle with adult friendships; strangely enough, it can be entirely the opposite. When we’re adults, we can’t always dedicate time to maintaining friendships. We have busy schedules and family responsibilities, which take up a great deal of our limited time. It often feels as if our friendships vanish over time: calls become less frequent, we forget to answer the texts, and we no longer recall the last time we met in person. However, adult friendships are valuable. 

Healthy and close friendships improve our heart and brain health, even contributing to longevity. But even without the usefulness of friendships, there’s another, simpler truth: we need company to feel joy. The happiness that comes from having a close friend is unique. To keep this precious fire burning, we need to be consistent with our friendships and make sure we dedicate our time and efforts to them. This guide is a quick starter if you’re not sure how to handle your adult friendships — keep reading to find out more. 

Why Adult Friendships Matter

Do you have a best friend? How many friends do you have in general? Friendships are a crucial component of our emotional and mental well-being at every age. According to Pew Research, about 8% of adult Americans admit to having no close friends at all. This number is relatively small, especially compared to 38% of those who have five or more friends. Among people who have friends, the majority (71%) are satisfied with their friendships. This trend becomes even more prominent as we age; the effect of being with a friend, even when we simply hang out together, is irreplaceable.

Social connections are an essential part of a satisfying life. Friends and even acquaintances provide emotional support, reduce stress, and increase our feeling of belonging. Today, we already know that a stable friendship can do wonders for our health. People who have close friends are less likely to suffer from mental health issues or, if they already have a particular disorder (for example, anxiety or depression), their experiences are less severe. Understandably so: social networks make us more resilient and give us a sense of self-worth. We can handle emerging challenges much more easily. It’s much easier to face any difficulty if we have friends who will be there for us — even if just to listen to us venting. 

However, a friendship can do even more than that: studies repeatedly show that spending time with close friends allows us to live longer. People who are ready to deepen friendships are less likely to face heart illnesses and chronic diseases. Even more so, some studies report that individuals with either no friends or low-quality friendships face a greater risk of early death by as much 26%. A friendship adds to our wellness in multiple dimensions. So, investing in them is definitely worth it.

Common Challenges of Making Friends as an Adult

Life tends to get in the way of many things, including finding new friends. The factors below often come into play:

• Romantic relationships. In adulthood, we usually marry or settle into long-term romantic relationships. And while friendship isn’t the only type of intimate relationship, it often becomes the one we sacrifice. We are only now starting to recognize that we as a species place a much greater value on romantic relationships than on our friendships, and this disparity often creates a slightly distorted view of life. In her recent article, Allie Volpe highlights that our culture is excessively romantic and provides proof that people lose friends who enter a romantic relationship. It’s possible to keep both, but it requires an honest evaluation of how we treat different people in our lives.
• Family obligations. Once we have families, finding time for weekly meetups or long Discord calls with our friends becomes difficult. This is especially true when we have young children or ill family members who demand a lot of care and attention.
• Professional goals. Finding friends as an adult is difficult because of our professional goals, too. We spend at least eight hours a day at our jobs — give or take a few hours depending on the schedule. We might have work friends, but not all of these new friendships give us the same sense of meaning. Most people feel too tired to do anything beyond basic chores after work. Quality time with a friend, hobbies, or self-development goals often become too distant for most weekdays.
• Emotional baggage. Past traumatic experiences make it harder to find friends and learn how to trust again. Some of us have learned about betrayals even as children, while others have heard our friends tell us that we’re too much. Because we’ve learned to fear many things, it also makes us more hesitant to look for new friends.

What Makes a Good Friend?

Each of us seeks different things in friends. We are unique — serious, nerdy, goofy, melancholic — and our needs in friends are as varied as the colors a human eye can see. Still, some qualities are universal because they represent not a specific individual but principles for healthy friendships.

• Present. A good friend, regardless of anything else, is someone we can rely on. A person who appears in our lives without any particular explanation and then vanishes as simply someone who cannot make us feel safe. We simply don’t know if they will stay when we need them.
• Loyalty. All intimate relationships rely on trust. Without trust, no deep bond is possible. A good friend doesn’t betray or badmouth another individual behind their back. They will stand for you and won’t just step away because of status, someone’s opinions, or personal gain.
• Empathetic. We need to know that our friends hear our emotions and sympathize with them. Our feelings aren’t a nuisance to them, but something they can recognize and respect. Our friends create a safe space for us to share our fears and needs.
• Attentive. Even if your friend is a chatterbox and always shares something new while you’re a quieter one, being a listener is a valuable part of being a friend. We strengthen our connection with the other person by listening to them. Only by being attentive and remembering what is crucial, what moments hurt, or made them laugh, can we grow together with our friends. 

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Creating Opportunities to Meet New Friends

We can and need to make friends as adults, but it may feel like a forgotten skill after years of just going with the flow. Meeting new people is a way for us to stay connected with the world around us. Look for opportunities everywhere: at your job (only if it’s OK by your rules), your neighborhood, hobby clubs, and even parenting groups. Use these opportunities — find people aligned with your values by regularly attending activities where you can meet them. And when you do, don’t sit quietly on your phone or keep to yourself; we need to stay open to these possibilities. 

Are you a friend who often finds yourself repeating the same routine of going for coffee and a walk? Many of us fall into this trap, even with people we already know, and it feels like the time spent with them is wasted on repetitive social events. This makes the meet-ups stale and boring. Extend these encounters to other activities that can deepen them.

Finally, don’t forget the power of the Internet. Thanks to social media, we can find friends anywhere in the world, and we don’t even have to wait months for a letter to arrive. We can build a fulfilling social connection now. Join a book club, attract people from a new language learning group, and chat with DnD fans.

A quick note to inspire you: Be daring and suggest plans with a potential new friend without strings attached. You can feel connected even if you don't immediately talk about the deepest secrets of your heart. Spend time with a parent from a caregiving group or even look for a fun friend if you travel to a new city for a day. Show yourself that you can connect with others, even when your life is busy.

How to Nurture Friendships and Bond Strong

Sometimes, keeping friends is more complicated than making them. This is because, when we meet new people, we are on the wave of joy and interest. Even as an adult, you place great importance on someone new and exciting. We focus on them, sometimes forgetting about our older friends. Over time, things change and become ordinary. But a friendship that is built on growth and nurturing is the most stable and rewarding one. 

• Invest time in your friendship. It’s not enough to make friends and text each other once a month. If we want to have a few lasting friendships, they need to be rekindled. When one person shows less effort than the other, it creates unequal investment. Over time, you will drift apart, or the one giving more will feel resentment. Make an effort to connect through regular check-ins, inviting friends to fun events and activities.
• Be a good listener. We have already discussed this, but a friendship requires not just talking but listening as well. After all, why would we need someone to just talk about ourselves? What our friends share about their lives matters to us. Even when the idea they share is a silly one, or when you think that you could handle a problem better, remember that you need to listen, not only talk.
• Support them. Our friendships are tested in times of need, not when everything is good. Friends back us up when we are in doubt and celebrate our successes. Social support is one of the strongest predictors of stable mental health and a more satisfying life. At times, friendship means prioritizing a friend’s needs, while still maintaining balance.
• Prioritize quality. A meaningful conversation is a valuable way of appreciating your relationship. Make sure you prioritize and maintain a close friendship with those people who are already in your life before dedicating your resources to new connections. 

Invest Time in Your Friends

We know, we know — time is a limited resource. There’s always something else to do. We all have our own families, careers, and health problems to focus on, which can make it challenging to determine how often we should connect. Sadly, we can easily forget to reach out, causing us to drift apart. Schedule regular trips or outings based on life allows you; don’t hesitate to discuss it and find something that suits both. Even if you live in different cities, you can arrange a call or have a movie night. Tired? Social media has brought a new trend that we can hop on — lazing out, meaning everyone just spends time in one room but does what they want (even reading different books or napping). Be flexible and adapt to changing schedules and circumstances. They are very common in adulthood, so give yourself and your friends some grace. 

Return joy and adventure to your friendships! Make it fun. Go on a short road trip. Watch a movie you both find a bit silly but fun. Visit an amusement park. Attend a few book clubs. Don’t let your friendships fall into routines. When we find new opportunities, we become more eager to visit these places as well. 

Build a Strong Social Network

People with a strong support system are much more flexible and adaptable, even to the most stressful situations. When we are alone, challenges feel more threatening. But when there are friends and acquaintances who fill in the gaps and stay with us, ready to catch us if the world tilts? Life is no longer scary. 

Start building a strong social network by nurturing existing friendships and expanding your network to include new connections, even acquaintances, through various social groups and events. Don’t isolate yourself from the world. 

You can build your network by participating in local neighborhood events or volunteering – it gives you more chances to meet those who share your values. Join a tabletop RPG club, a knitting group, or even a biking event. These initiatives show us how vast the world is, how fascinating people are, and what we are yet to explore. 

Conclusion

Making friends and maintaining friendships requires a focused effort and dedication. Be consistent and show the willingness not just to take but give, too, as friendships are a two-way street. And the more time you spend cherishing the friendships with people you know and the ones you have only met, you will notice finding even more space for friendships. That’s the magic of life: the more you give, the more you get. 

References

Chopik, W. J. (2016). The benefits of social technology use among older adults are mediated by reduced loneliness. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 19(9), 551–556. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2016.0151

Goddard, I. (2023, October 12). What does friendship look like in America?. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/10/12/what-does-friendship-look-like-in-america/

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227–237. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352

Volpe, A. (2025, June 11). The surprising way romance may affect your friendships. Vox. https://www.vox.com/even-better/416230/friendship-romantic-relationship-balance-jealousy